Restoring Relationships

My wife Rose wants to go away for a vacation. I want to stay home. Suddenly we can have a huge argument and an invisible wall between us. We are very close, but we are also very different. Everyone in close relationships will need to deal with conflicts. They cannot be avoided. In a conflict it is important to remember that each one of us genuinely believes what we feel and think is right. Conflict itself is not bad, but not resolving it can be. Jesus assures us in John 16:33 that we will all have trouble. So let’s not get discouraged if we are facing some conflict…we are still in the world. Even mature Bible characters like Paul and Barnabas had such a difficult conflict between each other, they parted ways for a while. They couldn’t come to an agreement about John Mark, who had defected and gone home while on a former journey with Paul. Barnabas wanted to take him along and Paul did not. An invisible wall went up between some very otherwise mature disciples of Jesus Christ.

“And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other…”

Acts 15:39 KJV

      From the book STRUGGLING FOR WHOLENESS, Jan Kiemel Ream, tells a personal story we can all identify with.

On the way home from Sunday church dad and son Nash were traveling in the front seat. Jan and son Tre were in the back seat. Just before climbing into the car they had smiled and hugged their friends, the perfect picture of love and harmony as a family.  This day was also their wedding anniversary.  Suddenly Tre threw his award pen from Sunday school on the floor, because he could not get the bubble gum off. They were on the way to meet friends for lunch and then to a parade close by.  The dad called back for a Granola Bar, and Tre threw one forward to him. This irritated the dad and he sternly told Tre not to throw things in the car. Tre burst into tears and yelled back, “Well, if I’m not to throw things in the car, how come you threw that hard-boiled egg into the front seat on our trip to Pennsylvania?”

      The dad refused to say anything and continued to drive toward their friends’ house, which caused the mother to explode with “Answer him, Dad. He at least deserves that!” The dad then told Jan to “shut up” or they would turn around and go back home. She yelled back, “I will not stop.” The dad spun the car around and headed for home, with Jan screaming “We can’t go home. These people are expecting us. We will ruin their afternoon.”  The dad coldly said, “I can’t imagine our family doing anything but ruin their afternoon in the state that we are in.”

    Upon arriving at home Jan called their friends, telling them “We are in a state of conflict. I’m humiliated to have to admit such. I know we were to be at your house this minute and, to be quite honest, I’m not sure there is any way we can pull out of this struggle we are in, recover and still meet you.”  Dad, Mother and Billy sat down and each one had the opportunity to say where they were coming from. In less then fifteen minutes each one apologized for their part in making it a difficult time, and the mother called their friends to say, “We will meet you at the parade. I think we have worked through our conflict.” On the way home that evening Billy said, “Mom and Dad, this really has turned into a really good day!” Dad and son both seemed to be closer then usual.

Conflicts will not destroy a relationship, unless we refuse to resolve them. Conflicts can be useful to bringing us to an even closer, more loving feeling between us. If we refuse to take the time and energy to resolve them, a wall will be built between us with stored up anger and hurt that can negatively affect all of our other relationships. The Bible lets us in on how Paul & John Mark must have resolved their differences because Paul was asking for Mark to come and help him in his ministry again. In 2 Timothy 4:11 (CEV) Paul wrote, “…Mark can be very helpful to me, so please find him and bring him with you.”

“God has done all this. He has restored our relationship with him through Christ,

and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships.”

 2Corinthians 5:18

Let’s purpose to resolve every conflict we can as much as we are able to do that. Let’s not let Satan get the advantage over us by letting hatred free rent to stay in our hearts. Let’s restore as many relationships as possible. This is our ministry.

Al Yoder

5/25/2011

A Paralyzed Mouth

One day after spending time with a neighbor who indicated a desire to study the Bible, my pastor at that time expressed a negative spirit about the way I went about it. It left me speechless, because it had taken a great deal of courage for me to venture into what was new territory for me.  It seems like for some reason when I wanted to talk about Jesus to the unsaved my mouth would feel like it was paralyzed shut.  Have you ever felt like God wanted you to say something, but it just wouldn’t come out of your mouth?   I was reading in Luke 1 about a man called Zechariah that God had sent his angel Gabriel to announce the good news that they would be having a baby boy.  Zechariah just could not believe what he was told, because he and his wife were already very old.  The angel then told him that he would be unable to speak until their baby was born, as a sign that this was truly a message from God. From that moment till John the Baptist was born Zechariah’s mouth was paralyzed. He had to use sign language to communicate with people.

“When he did come out, he could not speak…”

Luke 1:22

There are different things in life that cause us to become speechless.  Sometimes like Zechariah, it may be for spiritual reasons.  At other times we may be involved in a serious accident and don’t know how to process what happened to us. 

We may feel like our mouth is paralyzed when someone we least expect it from, begins to swear and degrade us.  One day  after I had completed a small job for one of my cabinet shop customers, a call came for me to stop by their house to pick up their check for payment.  After arriving, the man began calling me names I had never been called before to my face.  He yelled at me, saying that I had taken advantage of them as seniors by over charging them, even though he had an itemized description of materials and labor on his statement.  I calmly told him he could adjust the charges if they felt taken advantage of.  Yet the man continued to cuss at me in a very angry tone instead of adjusting the bill.  Feeling shaken and totally speechless with what was happening, I climbed into my truck and headed down the road with the man still visibly agitated and flailing his hands in the air at me.  At the time, I feared he may be mentally challenged and have a gun to shoot at me.  This was a wealthy man whom I later discovered had taken advantage of other businessmen like myself. It brought up feelings of failure and a much deeper appreciation for the rest of my wonderful customers!

There are other times when my inadequate feelings about myself keep me from giving people the affirmation they have coming.  At other times fear of rejection may keep us from talking to people about their relationship with God. Jesus often would come to his disciples with the words, “fear not”.  May God help us to go beyond our fears to speak out the words that bring healing, hope and happiness to those who so desperately need to hear it from us.  Sign language is one way to communicate, but words are so much easier to understand.  When Zechariah’s son was born, God gave him back his speech again. Let’s not let our fears paralyze our mouth.

Al Yoder

5/14/2011

Studying the Gospel of John

We are beginning a new study in the Gospel of John on Wednesday nights.  We are looking forward to taking our time soaking in these living words about Jesus.  John's gospel is unique, with its use of terms like life, light, and love.  It is the gospel that teaches us that we must be born again.  It tells us so much about who Jesus is.  The very first verse speaks volumes.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

This is the foundation upon which John builds the testimony of Christ: that Jesus is nothing less than God Himself, come in the flesh.  All else depends upon that fact.  It's almost as if John wanted to do away with any foolish thought about a merely wise teacher immediately.  Jesus is infinite, and He is eternally wise, good, loving and powerful.  He is the light that shines in the darkness, and the darkness will never overcome it.  How amazing to know the Light of the world!  How incredible to be nourished by the living water and the bread of life!  I hope you'll come join us every Wednesday night at 6:30 as we study together.  Here are the notes from our first study: John 1.   

Listening or Hearing

As a child, my parents would try to teach me how to do things. At the same time I would try to keep on playing or reading or looking out the window. Then my parents would ask, “are you listening to what I am telling you?”  My response would be “yes, I heard what you said.”  I could even repeat back what they said to me. However, somehow I would not always get around to doing what they had instructed me to do. What they taught me had no direct bearing because I had only listened to the words they were saying. I had not really heard them, because it was not “taken to heart”. We can listen to noise all around us and those sounds can greatly impact our life, or we can simply ignore them, which desensitizes us even more to what we listen to. Maybe this is what Jesus referred to people being “dull of hearing”.  The loud siren that signals that a tornado is immanent causes one person to go for safety and another to ignore and be killed. Same sound…different response.

“Take heed what ye hear”— Mark_4:24 KJV

One day Jesus was teaching the crowds of people that had come to listen to him speak. At the conclusion of his story about the Seed that fell on different types of soil, he spoke these words…

Jesus went on to say, "Pay attention to what you're listening to! Knowledge will

be measured out to you by the measure of attention you give.

This is the way knowledge increases. Those who understand these mysteries will be

given more knowledge. However, some people don't understand these mysteries.

Even what they understand will be taken away from them."

Mark 4:24-25 GW

The Bible teaches us that our words are shaping our eternal destiny, and by our words we will be judged. However, Jesus seems to be saying with equal emphasis that our hearing also has a powerful effect on our lives. He said, “he that has ears to hear, let him hear.”  All were listening, but not all were hearing. He could probably see it by the look on their faces, just like parents can often see it in their children. “Alvin Jay! Look at me when I am talking. Did you hear what I said?” The real question is, “are you really paying attention to what I am saying?”

"Two men looked out of the prison bars. The one saw mud, the other stars."  They both had the same circumstance to deal with—but what a difference their response made on themselves. And so to different ears come the same words, identical in pronunciation and syllable, and yet how differently they are interpreted. It is not really by the eye that we see. It is really by the soul we see. And it is not by the ear that we hear. It is by who we are on the inside that we hear.

 Some well known politician makes a speech and the news flashes it all over the country. The same day thousands of television stations broadcast it precisely as it was delivered. To some people it is the voice of angels and thrilling as the music of a trumpet. To others, hearing those same words, it is only a bunch of noise and means nothing to them. Nothing is registered on a clean slate. There is no such thing in life as a clean slate.  We measure everything we hear by what we have experienced previously in life. We can never be neutral to what we listen to. Either we will hear and be the better for it, or we will ignore and lose what we had of value.

A minister prepares a gospel message. He passionately gives the message to his beloved people. The same message which falls on every ear, and yet how varied is the reception!  Everything inside the hearer's heart rises up to meet this living message, either with welcome or defiance. We hear with all that we have made ourselves. We hear with every sin that we are clinging to. Every ambition, every joy or sorrow, comes to the hearing of a Gospel sermon. And that is why one person is worn out by it, and another sees it as something to be criticized, but the one who has a hungry heart, eats it up like bread from heaven. It is a great responsibility to preach, but it is also a great responsibility to hear.  Really hearing Jesus, saves us a lot of heartache. Are you only listening, or do you really hear Him?

Al Yoder  -  5/6/2011