Restoring Relationships

My wife Rose wants to go away for a vacation. I want to stay home. Suddenly we can have a huge argument and an invisible wall between us. We are very close, but we are also very different. Everyone in close relationships will need to deal with conflicts. They cannot be avoided. In a conflict it is important to remember that each one of us genuinely believes what we feel and think is right. Conflict itself is not bad, but not resolving it can be. Jesus assures us in John 16:33 that we will all have trouble. So let’s not get discouraged if we are facing some conflict…we are still in the world. Even mature Bible characters like Paul and Barnabas had such a difficult conflict between each other, they parted ways for a while. They couldn’t come to an agreement about John Mark, who had defected and gone home while on a former journey with Paul. Barnabas wanted to take him along and Paul did not. An invisible wall went up between some very otherwise mature disciples of Jesus Christ.

“And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other…”

Acts 15:39 KJV

      From the book STRUGGLING FOR WHOLENESS, Jan Kiemel Ream, tells a personal story we can all identify with.

On the way home from Sunday church dad and son Nash were traveling in the front seat. Jan and son Tre were in the back seat. Just before climbing into the car they had smiled and hugged their friends, the perfect picture of love and harmony as a family.  This day was also their wedding anniversary.  Suddenly Tre threw his award pen from Sunday school on the floor, because he could not get the bubble gum off. They were on the way to meet friends for lunch and then to a parade close by.  The dad called back for a Granola Bar, and Tre threw one forward to him. This irritated the dad and he sternly told Tre not to throw things in the car. Tre burst into tears and yelled back, “Well, if I’m not to throw things in the car, how come you threw that hard-boiled egg into the front seat on our trip to Pennsylvania?”

      The dad refused to say anything and continued to drive toward their friends’ house, which caused the mother to explode with “Answer him, Dad. He at least deserves that!” The dad then told Jan to “shut up” or they would turn around and go back home. She yelled back, “I will not stop.” The dad spun the car around and headed for home, with Jan screaming “We can’t go home. These people are expecting us. We will ruin their afternoon.”  The dad coldly said, “I can’t imagine our family doing anything but ruin their afternoon in the state that we are in.”

    Upon arriving at home Jan called their friends, telling them “We are in a state of conflict. I’m humiliated to have to admit such. I know we were to be at your house this minute and, to be quite honest, I’m not sure there is any way we can pull out of this struggle we are in, recover and still meet you.”  Dad, Mother and Billy sat down and each one had the opportunity to say where they were coming from. In less then fifteen minutes each one apologized for their part in making it a difficult time, and the mother called their friends to say, “We will meet you at the parade. I think we have worked through our conflict.” On the way home that evening Billy said, “Mom and Dad, this really has turned into a really good day!” Dad and son both seemed to be closer then usual.

Conflicts will not destroy a relationship, unless we refuse to resolve them. Conflicts can be useful to bringing us to an even closer, more loving feeling between us. If we refuse to take the time and energy to resolve them, a wall will be built between us with stored up anger and hurt that can negatively affect all of our other relationships. The Bible lets us in on how Paul & John Mark must have resolved their differences because Paul was asking for Mark to come and help him in his ministry again. In 2 Timothy 4:11 (CEV) Paul wrote, “…Mark can be very helpful to me, so please find him and bring him with you.”

“God has done all this. He has restored our relationship with him through Christ,

and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships.”

 2Corinthians 5:18

Let’s purpose to resolve every conflict we can as much as we are able to do that. Let’s not let Satan get the advantage over us by letting hatred free rent to stay in our hearts. Let’s restore as many relationships as possible. This is our ministry.

Al Yoder

5/25/2011